May 3rd 2010

So...things have been really up and down since I've been back...there were a few days where I just felt so down, like I just felt so useless, at the hospital, so unsatisfied in my work as a midwife, like I am operating on 20% of my capacity, not finding ways to really effectively teach what I want to...like the other day with the 2 squatting births...I just really felt discouraged.
Then, after realizing how sad I was, and have been here all along, I think part of this sadness was liberated from me, and the weekend was really good. I made myself go out and sit at the plaza, and meet people and talk to them. I made some new friends, one guy, went to his house, met his wife and daughter...his wife is in nursing school and wants to be a midwife...she was naming everything that I see at the hospital, talking about it, all the behavior towards the patients, the lack of awareness and compassion, the lack of true care...with this kind of awareness I think she would make a good MW.
I also went and practiced salsa dancing with this friend, named Blada--he is a pretty good dancer...it was fun, and I hope that we can continue to do this regularly. I can definetly learn some stuff from him.
Yes, it was a very social weekend.
Then, today, it just so happened that the new American MW's hadn't arrived yet--I had thought they would arrive on Saturday--and that they would have a translator today and we would teach the class together on postpartum hemorrhage. Marthonie was out of town--she normally does the Monday class. Well, it turned out that it was just me, and I taught the class all by myself, in Creole, with no Marthonie and no translator. My Creole is nowhere near fluent but I am understanding more and more and able to speak a little better each day. Doing the class today felt like a big step/accomplishment to me. ANd I enjoyed spending time alone with the students. I really like them. I really care for them, and they care for me too. The Haitian people, they really open their heart to you. It's beautiful.
I met some people this weekend who used to live in Port au Prince. They lost spouses, children, parents. They lost their houses, and literally have nothing. It is so crazy, how can there be so much suffering? How do these people continue their lives? They are so stoic. It's really unbelievable the level of hardship that is normal for people to go thru here. I wish that the world could be more balanced, have a more equal distribution of wealth and resources. These people are just totally ignored. So many people here cannot access whatever aid is coming in. I asked someone if he could get a card that enables him to get food handouts each month. No, he couldn't get it. End of story.
Ok...tomorrow all day at the hospital...
Reina