leaving in 1 month

It's very hard for me to imagine leaving so soon. Last weeIk found out that my living situation here at the rectory would be ending after august, and I took it as a sign and decided to make arrangements to leave here instead of searching for another living situation. There are many good reasons to leave after august--which would complete the 6 month committment--such as spending a long quality visit with my family in NC...which I have been longing for ever since i arrived here...but there would have been many good reasons to stay as well, such as: it's only another 2 months or so (Nov), helping Marthonie to finish everything up, continuity with the students, getting stronger in Creole, continuing to develop friendships here....even after making the decision to leave, I can't help but feel conflicted about it, and wonder if I made the right decision. my seat is reserved on a flight leaving Haiti on the 27th of August. It is really hard for me to imagine the reality of leaving so soon. Am I ready to leave? There have been so many things that have been so hard here for me...nontheless I have become more at ease with the whole situation as time has passed...and so many people know me around town...
It's like I finally have a life here, I finally speak Creole, I am close with Marthonie and the students, and really enjoy being with them...why has this been such a hard decision to make and why does it continue to torment me? I imagine leaving, eating lots of vegetables again, playing with my niece, playing my mom's piano...I imagine coming back for graduation in November, if Midwives for Haiti will help pay for the trip...that would make it okay, perhaps...
My relationship with Blada is very sweet too, just sweeter and sweeter...I love the fact that we dance together...and practice together...he is beautiful...
Nadene is coming this week and we will talk about everything again...it's probably the right thing to just continue with the plan to leave...but what if they don't find a good person to replace me? I can't help but feel responsible at this point.
I think after this week, after Nadene's visit, everything will feel more clear and definite.
Love you guys...
Reina